can't (and won't)

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Loss turned my love into longing
And may I say, what you never wanted me to be: Bitter
With the B being capital
I seek confirmation of our reunion in the tiniest of things
Grief has emptied all my patience reserves
I just can't 
Can't with time
Can't with your absence
I will go back to square one physically
Because I have no choice 
Back to the four bungalows that live on the first square 
But mentally, emotionally, I am in our twelve and a half years
Reliving you in every voice note replayed
In every video rewatched
While this world and everyone in it
With their attempts to pacify and distract
I will simply tolerate
You were supposed to leave me with grace
If ever the cruel Gods wished you leave before I did
It should have happened at eighty-seven, instead of fucking thirty-four, my life completed and cup overrun
But I'm left with only rage
Waking up at odd hours seething that my reality, this pittance of life and whatever is left of it
It is just hopeless without you 

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