Top-load in a front-load mind

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I’ve got the hobbies

of an enviable retiree,

the luxury of leisure

so indulgently with me.


Mindful, peaceful solving

of jigsaw puzzles,

decoding cipher quotes,

kakuro and sudoku,

knitting and

slipping through mind-muddles.


Playing chess, playing Scrabble,

letting my thoughts ramble,

Wilful insomniac nights,

Sleepful, languid mornings


Maybe my life

is meant to run in reverse:

my fifties with preteens,

Endless debates and verse,

my forties with toddlers,

too quick to contain,

my late thirties with infants

the joy and the strain.


Wishful thinking,

a heart still debating,

the quietest hope

of a mother in waiting.

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